Violations
by Ann65
Summary: An alternative ending to Prisoner Of Love, from the fourth episode of season seven, because I hated how that storyline was handled. I've explained why in my author note. Gopher's been found, and he's finally safe - but another ordeal is only just beginning. Rated M for the implication of sexual assault in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Hello, and welcome to my latest story, which is a lot more serious than the ones I've posted so far.

It's based on episode four from season seven - the only episode where I really didn't like Gopher's storyline. In fact, it really disturbed me.

For those who haven't seen it, an Army Captain who's been on her own for a six month assignment keeps him locked in her cabin, while she tries everything she can to make him sleep with her.

Of course, it's played for laughs as he keeps trying to escape, but one of his lines strikes a much more serious chord. Bribed with a tray of aphrodisiac food to 'get him in the mood' for her, he's forced to decide which is the lesser of two evils - "Starvation, or violation."

Put that with being plied with drink (he passes out before she can 'take him beddie-byes'), leashed up by his leg to stop him from running away, then tied up and gagged in her closet so no-one can find him, and - well, you get the picture. This was a subject that in a different time, or in a different series, would have been treated completely differently. If it had been Julie's or Vicki's storyline, every woman who saw it would have cried "Rape!"

The end of the episode, too, felt just as wrong. When he's finally released, he then agrees to sleep with her, as a 'volunteer' instead of a 'draftee'. Sorry, but if I'd been through what _he _went through, I'd be a traumatized wreck. And I'd want to bring anyone who tried to violate me up on every charge that I could to make sure they never did it again.

My plot bunnies hated the way this storyline was handled too. So here's my alternative ending of what, for me, was a really troubling episode.

It's set a few hours after Gopher's been found. Again, my version here is completely different to what you see in the episode, where Doc, Isaac and Julie all yell at him for causing them so much worry, then run away when the woman who's kept him prisoner for almost thirty hours smashes the table in front of them. For such supposedly close friends, they were so far out of character that it wasn't close to being funny.

While I haven't written anything graphic, this story does include the implication of a prolonged sexual assault.

* * *

Violations

Chapter One

Merrill Stubing knew this was a pointless exercise, that he really didn't need to carry out. After all, they were at sea, miles from land, so the only escape for a would be thief was a _very_ long swim. And aside from the odd stowaway - some _very_ odd - he'd never faced any serious threat of crime.

But still he did it, because... well, _he _was the Captain. If just for his own peace of mind, he still made this final tour around his ship, making sure all was well, before he checked in on Vicki, and turned in himself.

Usually, he'd do so alone - enjoying the peaceful solitude of being at one with his ship. The only people he'd encounter were usually too engrossed in themselves to notice him anyway.

Tonight, though, he came across some unexpected company on the Lido deck now deserted walkway. An instantly recognizable figure, that drew out an affectionate smile. Leaning against Lifeboat Nine's davit, Gopher had found the perfect spot for some late night star-gazing.

Knowing his conspiracy-mad purser, he'd be on the lookout for UFOs and aliens too. And if he was counting all these stars, he was in for a _very_ long night, and - _what_ _the_ _hell_?

"...six... seve- ooh, hey, Dad!"

Merrill's brows rose into what would have been his hairline. He had no issue at all with being the boy's second father. In fact, he took the greatest honour in it - knowing how proud of him his real father would have been. Since his promotion to chief purser, he'd taken on those extra responsibilities with all the seriousness they deserved, and he was now one of his most trusted senior officers.

Well, most of the time anyway. When their mood or morale needed lifting, they could still rely on their favourite goofball to slip his leash, and make them all smile again, as only he could.

Even so, off duty informality was one thing - too much of it quite another. Time to put his boy, tactfully, back in his place.

"Thank you for the compliment, Mr Smith, but I do believe the correct term is _Captain_."

When the contrite apology failed to come, Merrill felt his frown deepen. Not so much in annoyance now, but puzzled concern. Those bright brown eyes were _unnaturally_ bright, while that mischievous grin was just all out... unnerving. And as Gopher bounced to his feet, concern turned to all out alarm at what he said next.

"Wow, you've been promoted, Dad? Wow, wait 'til we tell Mom!"

More than anything, Merrill wished this was another of those 'mad moments' that only his purser could dare to pull on him. But - no. Something was wrong here. _Seriously_ wrong. His loveably crazy purser seemed to have flipped for real this time, with an affliction that only Doc was qualified to deal with.

Until he could call him in, all he could do was get Gopher back to his cabin - and remember to use the name he'd respond to.

"Yes, indeed, Go- I mean, _Burl_. Now, um... let's get you back to your room... it's getting late, and you really should be in bed by now. Come on now, son, we can, uh... tell your mother all about it when -"

"Aww, Dad! You haven't given her enough time!"

Wondering if _he_ was the one who needed help, Merrill forced out the calmest smile he could manage. He had no idea what was happening here, but the only option he had was to play along - and get his inexplicably flipped out purser back to his cabin before anyone saw him.

"Time for _what_, Burl?"

"To _hide_, silly! We've gotta count to ten, and I only got to... to... aww, you made me lose count!"

Needing a deep breath ten count himself, Merrill took another ten, just to bring a rising sense of panic under control. Any hope he'd had that this was some kind of joke were well and truly gone now. When he finally did speak, he was astonished himself at how calm and rational he sounded.

"Well, I'm sorry, son, but... okay, you got to seven... so you start counting again, nice and _silently _so your Mom won't hear us, while we go try find her together... okay?"

Answered with another of those freakish grins, he placed his arm around Gopher's shoulders, and steered him as quickly as he could to the privacy of his cabin.

Even when they reached it, he couldn't enjoy the sight of him crawling into his bed, and curling up under its covers. However adorable he looked, everything about this scene - and everything he'd just experienced - worried the hell out of him.

Was he pushing him too hard? Or, more likely but just as worryingly, were the emotions of his father's anniversary preying too much on a still vulnerably grieving mind?

The only relief he felt was when Gopher's head hit the pillow, and he was instantly out for the count. Only then did he reach for the phone beside him, dialling Doc's number faster than he'd ever done before.

"Adam? Sorry to call you so late, but I need you in Gopher's cabin, he's... no, he isn't hurt, but something is _definitely_ wrong. He - He thinks I'm his father... and we were playing imaginary hide and seek with his mother..."

"_I'll be right there_."

True to his word, Doc was there within thirty seconds - striding through the door that Merrill had already opened for him, and straight to the side of Gopher's bed. Resting his hand on his forehead, relief and reassurance were still tempered by a puzzled frown.

"Well, there's no temperature, and he's up to date on all his shots, so he isn't running any kind of fever or illness. .. he seems settled enough now too, so I think this is more psychological than physical."

Thinking through the likeliest causes for Gopher's behaviour, Doc then glanced up at his Captain with the start of a smile. Given the time of night - yes, as it so often was, he was sure the most obvious conclusion here was going to be the right one too.

"When you were talking to him, Merrill, did you notice anything odd about his eyes? Were they focused on you, like mine are, or did either of them have a squint?"

Thinking back to that surreal moment, Merrill finally nodded. Oh yes, those eyes. Those freakishly bright but utterly blank eyes.

"Now you mention it... no, they didn't look right either. They were, you know, glassy... like Vicki's were when she had that cold last week... but if you're saying he's not sick, Adam, then what's wrong with him?"

To his surprise, Doc's smile widened, with the calmness that his still worried and rattled Captain needed to see.

"Well, I can only guess at the why, Merrill, but I'm pretty sure of the what. From how upset he was through his father's anniversary last week, I think he was sleepwalking. You saw how much he tried to put a brave face on it, so he didn't upset the rest of us too, but this year's hit him really hard. And I know they both settled their differences before Elliott died, but... well, they both still missed out on so much of his early years. When he saw you tonight, he was subconsciously seeing his father again, in what by the sounds of it were much happier times for them both."

Happier too now, if just for Doc sharing his earlier theory, Merrill nodded while indulging in another of his paternal duties. By the time he finished tucking his covers back over Gopher's shoulders, he was relaxed enough to return Doc's '..._you're his Dad now_' grin.

Yet the next, most obvious question still had to be asked. As both his Captain and surrogate father, it fell to him to do so.

"So what do we do, Adam? How do we help him through this?"

Taking his turn for some big brotherly fussing of his own, Doc sighed, his smile fading as he brushed back Gopher's hair.

"I'm afraid that's where we have a problem. One of the side effects of somnambulism is amnesia. When he wakes up, he probably won't remember a thing about this. So as hard as it is for us both, Merrill, neither of us can do anything more for him tonight, except wait and see if it happens again. Hopefully it won't... it's rare for sleepwalkers to have any more episodes once they go back to bed. Like I said, he's settled now, and... yeah, by the looks of things, he's dreaming too, back in normal sleep. With any luck, he'll sleep through 'til the morning, and we can ask him then if anything related to this anniversary has upset him. And I know you will, Merrill, but try not to worry. He's going to be fine."

All sound and wise advice, of course, that Merrill knew he could trust to take. Yet something more than fatherly duty compelled him to only take part of it up as he and Doc both rose from Gopher's bed, and padded towards the door.

"Thank you, Adam, but I'll stay with him a while longer, just to make sure. With all those sleepless nights I missed with Vicki, I'm owed at least one of them now."

Grinning back at him, Doc couldn't help but point out that new fathers weren't the only ones who had to endure such deprivation.

"Tell me about it. I don't think I slept a wink through most of my residency. But if you need me, Merrill, you know where I am. Four doors along, and hopefully straight on 'til morning."

Watching him return to his own cabin, Merrill felt a certain sense of envy. The thought of his own warm and comfy bed still had a far greater appeal than the chair he now drew up to the side of his now soundly sleeping purser's.

Then again, he had the privilege of a sight that Doc would miss. Tucked up in a huddle of blankets, his boy was too adorable for words. All he needed now was a teddy bear, and - ah. From the way he now hugged his pillows, his subconscious had already provided it.

"Wherever your dreams have taken you, Mr Smith, I hope they're happy enough to keep you there."

Reminded of other interruptions that he couldn't avoid, he then called the night watch to let them know where he was, and to knock _quietly_ if they needed him.

Drawing his chair a little closer to Gopher's bed, he settled more comfortably into it - smiling once more as he watched him sleep. Just like his expression, Merrill hoped this next hour would pass a lot more peacefully than the last.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you so much to Goosefire and Madi for your reviews. I must also thank Madi, my wonderful friend (and partner in fic writing crime!) for encouraging me to post this story. This is my first M rated fiction, and while I found it really hard to do so, I just had to write it. The trauma that Gopher went through should never have been treated so flippantly.

Before we get to those chapters, though, the peaceful night that Doc and Merrill were hoping for is about to come to an even more worrying end.

* * *

Violations

Chapter Two

As both a Captain and father, Merrill Stubing had developed a finely honed sixth sense. That niggling feeling that something wasn't quite right. For the second time that night, it now focused itself on his purser.

Waking from a fitful doze, Merrill stared around him - frowning at first at his unfamiliar surroundings, then the bed beside him.

The _empty_ bed beside him. And he shot to his feet, in the panic of a father who'd suddenly realized their child was missing.

"Gopher?"

A soft thump drew him to the bathroom, and relief brought a wry smile back to his face. Unless he liked to take his showers _really_ early, he was just answering the call of nature... right?

So why couldn't he shake off this feeling that something was wrong? That one of Doc's assurances had, for once, gone against him? Why was he now standing beside this door - knocking so anxiously onto it?

"Gopher? Gopher, are you all right?"

Silence. What he kept telling himself had _not_ been a muffled sob. Whether he'd heard it or not, his response to it was the same.

Opening the door to his bathroom, he felt his heart drop at what he saw inside. Cowering against the base of his shower, Gopher stared up at him with those impossibly bright eyes, his expression one of pure terror, and... oh, dear God. Not again!

"Are - Are they gone now, sir? Th - They locked me in here, an'... an' they wouldn't let me out."

Fighting back his alarm, Merrill crouched down beside him - hoping his voice sounded a lot calmer than he felt as he slid his arm around Gopher's shoulders.

"Well, you're safe now, Burl... no-one's going to hurt you while I'm around, so... um, let's get you back to bed now, all right? It's all right, Burl, you're safe now... no-one's going to hurt you."

It took several more moments of coaxing, but Gopher finally crawled into his arms - shaking so hard that Merrill just held him, until the sniffles against his shoulder stopped, and gradually turned into soft, quiet snores.

At any other time, he might have smiled at this near farcical moment. Sitting on the floor, with his chief purser fast asleep in his arms. But there was no humour for him to enjoy it. Just a mounting weight of worry as he rose carefully to his feet, and carried Gopher the mercifully short distance to his bed.

Alarm was now turning to outright despair. His boy seemed to be falling apart in front of his eyes - and he could do nothing to stop it.

He couldn't even smile at how peaceful he looked, all tucked up into his bedclothes again, and once more lost to the world. Instead, he re-dialled Doc's number, even faster than he had before. And this time, he couldn't hide the alarm in his voice.

"Adam? He's... he's getting worse."

Cutting ten seconds off his previous time, Doc came through the door at an all out run. The amusement of before was gone - and there was no cause to smile either at what his Captain had to tell him.

"I found him crouching against his shower, and... I don't know how else to describe it, Adam, but he looked scared this time. _Really_ scared, as if someone was threatening to hurt him. And whoever he was seeing, it wasn't me, or his father... he sounded like a child... a very small, very frightened child..."

"...and both times, he's either hiding in play, or being forced to against his will..." Doc finished for him, meeting his Captain's eyes with the same worry in his own. "I hate to say it, Merrill, but this is more serious than I thought. He's trying to suppress a memory. Something so traumatic that he's re-living it through this sleepwalking."

Focusing on the second part of Doc's theory, it was only natural that Merrill came to its most obvious cause.

"Like bullying from his childhood? When I found him this time, he kept saying 'they' and... Adam, he wasn't just scared, he was terrified. I think he saw me as the teacher who scared them off before they could hurt him."

"Yes, that certainly makes sense," Doc nodded, not quite able to keep the anger out of his voice for how vulnerable Gopher would have been at that age. "I'd imagine he was an all too easy target for anyone bigger or stronger than he was."

Even as he agreed with his Captain, Doc wasn't entirely happy. To his professional eyes, something about this drastic change in Gopher's behaviour just didn't add up.

"But something more recent must have triggered this memory that he can't bring himself to face when he's awake. Something where he either had to hide for his own protection, or where someone else forced him to do so."

Trying to think what that event could be, both then stared at each other in the same outraged dismay. As more and more pieces of this puzzle fell into place, so the picture on it became more and more disturbing. And for Merrill Stubing, the actions of another Captain filled him with rage - and then horror.

"That - That disgrace of a Captain who tried to make him sleep with her... yes, Adam, that has to be it, and... oh, dear God, Adam! What if she -?"

"She didn't, Merrill. That was the first thing I asked him when we got him out of there. He said it calmly enough for me to believe him while I checked him over, and I didn't find any bruises or injury. Nothing happened, Merrill. She didn't... hurt him."

The relief that swept over his face - and Doc's too - was overwhelming. Yet despite all these carefully chosen words, Merrill had still heard the silent 'but' within them. After several deep breaths, out it came.

"But the threat of such violation can be every bit as traumatic as the act itself. Even if nothing happened, she still kept him locked in that cabin for nearly thirty hours. The stress he'd have been under would have been immense. And you saw what she did to that table when we _did_ find him."

God, yes - how could he forget? The desk that was smashed to the same pieces as her telephone, before two of his best security guards had managed to subdue her.

Thousands of dollars of damage that he'd make sure, personally, that she'd pay for, in full. With interest. An extra donation to their emergency fund too, that he was pretty sure her CO would also agree to.

And what had she cost Gopher? Her helpless prisoner, who'd sat watching all this unfold in such dazed confusion that Doc and Isaac had practically carried him to safety.

Not his body, thank God - but what about his mind? A thought that didn't just crash down on his Captain's shoulders, but pretty much did the same to his conscience.

"Damn it, Adam... why didn't I see this before? Why didn't I realize he needed help?"

"Because he told me himself, Merrill, that he was all right. He told me nothing happened, and he wasn't hurt. So you've no need to feel guilty, Merrill. Because if you do, then as the doctor who examined him, I should feel it even more. And we'll get him through this, Merrill. Whatever's causing this, we _will_ get him through it."

Helped along with a calming squeeze on his shoulder, Merrill finally nodded his agreement. As he'd done so often, he thanked all the gods he could think of for Adam Bricker's friendship. Yet not even this, or the sight of him placing another chair beside his, could fully ease his worry as his eyes fell once more on the sleeping figure beside them.

Yes, his boy was safe - but he was still far from sound. And even as he slept on through his dreams, the ordeal he'd just been through refused to let him go. In a still traumatized mind, all its fears and memories regained their hold, and started to push their way to the surface.


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter sets the scene for the trauma that Gopher is trying to suppress - and also includes some of my own backstory for Captain Tobin.

We know she's just returned from a six month assignment to the Arctic, but no explanation for it was given in the episode. Then I had the idea that she was sent on it as some kind of disciplinary measure for some previous misconduct, and that got me thinking - what if she'd done this before? Not to a cruise ship purser, of course, but one (or more) of her own junior officers?

She also makes her intentions pretty clear when she comes on board. If you watch Gopher's reaction as she looks him up and down, he feels so uncomfortable that he actually backs away from her.

Her kit bag, too - why would she pack a rope that she later uses to tie him up with, and tape to gag him so he can't call for help?

Oh, and she smashes a phone too, _and_ a table, with her bare hands. So yes, in my eyes, she's a bit of a psycho, and far more dangerous than she's shown to be in the episode - _not_ good news for Gopher, as he gets closer to the memory of what she did to him.

* * *

Violations

Chapter Three

Gopher woke slowly, into a comforting warmth that he really didn't want to leave. But the aroma of fresh coffee finally persuaded him to open his eyes, and look around him for its source.

Still half asleep, he frowned. Where had it come from, this coffee? He didn't remember making any before he went to bed. And he'd always preferred hot chocolate, like his mother had always made him when he was little.

He didn't remember Doc being there last night either, and... oh, no. _No_. Just days after his father's anniversary... please, God... not his mom too.

As one who'd been there when Merrill had broken that shattering news to him, Doc gently caught him as he shot upright - ready to assure him that his worst fears were still unfounded.

"Whoa, easy, Goph... it's okay, your mom's fine... Jennifer too... it's okay, they're both fine. Easy now, they're all right."

Settling back into his pillows, Gopher's relief was short lived as he rubbed his hand over his eyes. Yes, he felt like he'd woken up with the mother of hangovers, but it wasn't as if a tree and half a rickety old cabin had fallen on top of him. Not this time anyway - they were too far out to sea for that.

Left in a delirious coma, he'd definitely needed Doc's attention then, but now? For an admittedly thumping headache? And why was Doc trying so hard _not_ to look worried? Why were there _two_ chairs next to his bed? _Two_ mugs next to the coffee pot that had coaxed him awake?

Doc was watching him like a hawk too, as if not daring to let him out of his sight. Even with the calming smile on his face, it was _not_ a good sign. If his mother and sister were fine, and _he_ was getting all this attention... well, it didn't take a genius to work out who wasn't.

"But I'm guessing I'm not?"

With so much practice of reassuring anxious patients, Doc had already decided how he'd answer this inevitable question. Gently and honestly, in the hope that the more Gopher knew at the start of it, the easier his recovery from this horrific ordeal would be.

"You've had a pretty rough night, Goph. The Captain found your sleepwalking out on the deck. That's why we've spent the rest of it here with you, to... well, just make sure you were all right."

He'd left out that second episode for a reason. Before he could help his friend through its cause, Doc had to see how much he could remember of the first.

The shock on Gopher's face was already answering that - and confirming his unvoiced concerns. He didn't remember any of it, so he'd have no memory of the second time either, and - _damn_. An already difficult task had just become even harder.

For Gopher, too, this revelation brought back memories, and more current concerns, of its own. And for Doc, his reaction also revealed part of what had triggered that second episode.

"I was _sleepwalking_? Wow, I - I haven't done that since third grade, when Hal Black and his gang locked me in the janitor's closet... Mom found me hiding under the stairs, it scared the life out of her, and... did I... y'know, um... do anything that's gonna get me fired?"

When the time was right, he'd hear about the one - and only - time that he'd called his Captain 'Dad' and got away with it. But for now, Doc just smiled and shook his head while passing him a glass of orange juice.

"No, you were just counting stars... and remembering when you were little... playing hide and seek with your parents."

It was as much a disappointment for him as it was a relief when Gopher just nodded. Yes, there was a hint of a wistful smile. A flicker of 'what might have been' regret in the eyes that really were the windows into his soul. All those years of bitter estrangement, that he'd do anything now to take back and change.

But nothing else. Nothing to suggest he'd remembered any of the events that had left him so traumatized.

So then, back to square one. And damn if the pain in his voice broke his heart to pieces too, as the still raw grief of his father's anniversary proved too much for him.

"I - I just miss him, Doc... I miss him so much..."

"Yeah, kiddo, I know... I know you do..."

Drawing him into a comforting hug, Doc winced at the tears that now flowed onto his shoulder. Yes, he knew it was the release that Gopher needed, but... damn, he was the last person in the world who deserved to be in this much pain.

Knowing the woman who could have caused him even more was now safely locked up in the brig brought him at least a little comfort. While his littlest brother fell apart in his arms, he just hoped the call that his Captain was making on his behalf would be the first step in putting him back together.

Still enraged by what she'd done, Merrill had returned to his office to lodge a formal complaint with her CO. Appalled by he'd been told, Colonel Hanson had promised him his full and complete support.

It hadn't surprised him, either, to learn she'd been sent on that assignment for a reason. Captain Tobin, it seemed, had 'a bit of a problem' with her younger male officers. Six months in the Arctic had clearly not been enough to resolve it. To Gopher's cost, it had made things worse.

He'd almost choked at that. A _bit of a problem_?! In his eyes, that was the understatement of the century. The woman didn't have a problem, damn it! She was certifiably insane.

On one point, though, they'd both agreed. The US Army had no place for a senior officer who'd brought it into such disrepute. Defying her final warning had been the last straw. After what she'd done to Gopher, her days of terrorizing her subordinates, and innocent pursers, were over.

When they made their extra stop in San Diego, Colonel Hanson would be there to take her into custody. The woman who'd hurt his boy would be gone, and - yes, this was one passenger he'd gladly say good riddance to. She'd never set foot on his ship again, or any other ship in their fleet.

Returning to Gopher's cabin a lot happier than when he'd left it, all that changed as soon as he stepped through its door. Finding his purser in floods of tears instantly wiped the smile off his face - the shake of Doc's head confirming this wasn't the breakdown, or the breakthrough, they'd hoped for.

Gopher's reaction, though, was exactly what they'd expected. An embarrassed apology as he finally pushed himself out of their arms, and rubbed his hand over his eyes.

"S'rry."

Trading glances over his head, both knew these words of comfort would be repeated many more times in the days to come. And Merrill still felt it was his professional and personal duty to say them first.

"There's nothing for you to be sorry for, Gopher. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

Still unaware of their true meaning, Gopher's smile of appreciation for them prompted another nod of damage control agreement.

Despite all their attempts to protect him from it, the crew's grapevine was still buzzing with their purser's latest mishap. For those who didn't yet know how horrific it had been, they'd be told, individually if necessary, that he'd need their complete and sensitive support.

It was Gopher himself, though, who brought their attention back to more immediate issues - the stammer in his voice betraying the anxiety beyond it.

"So - So what happens now? I mean, this won't affect my work... will it? I - I can still do my job?"

Another question that both of them had anticipated, but that only one of them was qualified to answer. From the smile on Doc's face, this first step in Gopher's recovery was going to be thankfully easy.

"If you feel up to it, Goph, then yes... getting back into a familiar routine will definitely help. But I want you on light duty for today... and I still have that infirmary audit to go through..."

A task he hated, but one that Gopher enjoyed a lot more than he did. For once, though, there'd be no house-building with his tongue depressors, or dressing up in a spare pair of his scrubs. As Doc sadly knew, that mischievous little brother wasn't there any more. Entering his bathroom to shower and get dressed, this unnaturally quiet Gopher was his traumatized shell.

In Isaac's place, Doc's big brother instincts were on highest alert to protect him as they made their way to the Infirmary. Not so much from the crew, whose concerned glances towards him suggested they'd already been briefed, but the passengers who had no idea of what he'd gone though. So when a gorgeous woman came striding up to them, the ship's most infamous Lothario didn't smile back at her. Because he wasn't the one she was undressing with her eyes, and studying with such lascivious interest. It was Gopher. A suddenly ashen faced Gopher, who seemed transfixed by what she was saying to him.

"...I'm sorry if I'm embarrassing you, Gopher, but you do... you really do have the most _gorgeous_ eyes."

For several more seconds, Gopher just stared back at her. Then it came back to him. That _very_ friendly blonde he'd met last night, on the way in to dinner. The way she'd pressed her hand against his chest while thanking him for the travel guide he'd given her. How slowly she'd looked him up and down, before commenting on his 'gorgeous' brown eyes.

How he'd watched her stride into the dining room - not so much flattered by her interest in him as... ashamed. Revulsed by where he'd heard those words before.

Just like Doc felt now, as he stepped in front of her, tightening his arm more protectively around Gopher's shoulders. And far from regarding this vamp with his own approval, the glare he now threw towards her could have melted lead.

Unaware of its reasons - and, Doc now guiltily realized, not at fault for that - she then shrugged, nodding in more genuine sympathy for the apology that followed.

"I'm sorry, but it's the anniversary of his father's passing... I'm sure you understand."

To her credit, she did - giving him a consoling squeeze on his arm, before making a more respectful retreat along the corridor.

Turning back to Gopher, Doc's smile changed back to a worried frown. Staring down at himself, his hand was moving over his chest, stroking the top of his shirt in ways that hadn't been his own.

The trauma he'd fought so hard to suppress was creeping further and further into his memory. He was about to break. And never in his life had Doc been more grateful to see Isaac run towards him as he was right now. If he was right about where this was heading, he was going to need all the help he could get.

From the shock on his face, Isaac clearly knew what had happened - every instinct he had bringing him straight to Gopher's side, while wishing he'd reached it sooner.

Before either of them could say anything, though, Hal Bennett and his maintenance crew hustled past them with their kit-bags. One of them was carrying a new telephone - Gopher's reaction to it so sudden, so unexpected, that neither Doc nor Isaac had time to stop him as he turned and started to walk away from them.

For Doc, of course, this all had a medical explanation, that he was still struggling to deal with himself. But for Isaac, the blankness in Gopher's eyes had left him every bit as rattled as his Captain had been.

"What's wrong with him, Doc? I mean, the Captain told me what happened last night, but he just walked past me like he didn't even see me... like he was in some kind of trance."

"In a way, Isaac, he is. He's in post traumatic shock... he's remembering something she did to him that he was too traumatized to tell us before. But it's okay, I know where he's going... and why he needs to go there. Now, I need you to get my bag from the Infirmary, and bring it to her cabin. When this shock breaks, it's going to hit him like a ton of bricks. If it proves too much for him, I might need to sedate him."

Watching Isaac's face drop in horror, he wished he'd had time to break this bombshell more gently. Instead, he barely had time to pat his shoulder, the only reassurance he could give as he hurried towards the elevator that he'd waved to Hal to keep held for him.

Easing himself between them and the friend who was so near to him, yet so heartbreakingly far, he could have done with some reassurance himself. Trapped once more in the nightmare of his own mind, Gopher stood oblivious to Hal Bennett's anxious question - and Doc's equally worried reply as the elevator's doors closed in front of them.

"We heard what happened, Doc, and... hey, is - is he okay?"

"No, Hal, I'm afraid he isn't. He's been through the worst kind of hell. And he's about to go through it all over again."


	4. Chapter 4

This chapter is the hardest piece of fanfiction that I've ever written - and also why the story has an M rating.

Thankfully, I've never been assaulted, or raped, but my work with Victim Support did bring me in contact with women who were. I'll never forget their courage in facing what was done to them, and their even greater courage to bring their attackers to justice.

* * *

Violations

Chapter Four

Aloha Deck 137. The cabin where he'd been held at Bernice Tobin's mercy for almost thirty hours. Staring blankly into it, Gopher stood in its doorway, as if knowing that the only place that would let him heal also held the most unimaginable horror.

He couldn't remember much about how it had looked when Doc and Isaac had carried him out of it, but - yes, the chair he'd been sitting on was still there. So was the table that she'd smashed to pieces in front of him. The telephone that Hal Bennett had been sent to replace, before his crew completed the rest of their repairs.

They wouldn't be doing that now, though. In agreement to Doc's quiet orders, they'd taken all their kits and equipment, and returned to their own quarters. As he'd explained, and they'd understood just as sadly, the last thing Gopher needed right now was an audience. For what he was about to face, he'd need all the support that his closest friends, his surrogate family, could give him.

As head of that family, Merrill Stubing had to bear its lows as much as he cherished its highs. But he could never have prepared himself for this. To face the thought that one of his crew, the boy he loved as his own son, had been assaulted in the worst way imaginable.

Oh, he knew its definition, but he couldn't bring himself to accept it. Nor could he believe his eyes as he watched Gopher step into the cabin where 'it' may have happened. After everything he'd been through, Merrill's first instinct was to be at his side - hence his surprise when Doc's hand on his arm stopped him from doing so.

"No, Merrill, give him a moment. It's his choice... and if he can, he needs to do this."

Still torn between his own emotions and his closest friend's advice, he just nodded - the instincts that were crying out to him finding another outlet instead, his hand settling on Isaac's shoulder as they followed Gopher inside.

If he was at all aware of their presence, then he was showing no signs of it. Instead, he moved slowly around the room that had once been his prison, his eyes settling on its tiniest cell. The closet that she'd shoved him into, hidden under her bags, and too terrified to raise the alarm.

"_You see what I did to that phone? I'll do the same to your friends if they try to take you away from me."_

"This - This is where she tied me up and gagged me... hid me here, so... so none of you could find me."

The voice that always held such life and ebullience was now void of both. As Doc sadly observed, its flatness was all part of this post traumatic detachment. But as Gopher continued to stare at the closet in front of him, he saw the telltale change in his breathing. Deeper, faster, in a hopeless battle to hold back the memories it was bringing back to him.

The hand that now reached to open its doors was shaking too - and Merrill knew what was coming, long before Doc's quiet voice confirmed it.

"We were right, Merrill. This is the trigger."

Even though they'd suspected it, this confirmation of his theory still hit them both like a sledgehammer. But they could only imagine how Isaac would be feeling right now. The shock on his face spoke for itself.

In near frantic concern for his missing friend, he'd searched the cabin himself. To know he'd been so close to finding him left him feeling physically sick - the question he'd silently asked himself clearly asked aloud too, as Gopher nodded towards the wreckage behind them.

"You saw what she did to that table? And her phone? That's what she said she'd do to anyone who found me. That's what she'd have done to you if -"

A thought as horrific to him now as it had been then. And as the dam that had been holding them back for so long gave way, so others flooded into his mind like a tidal wave that no number of defences could stop.

The way she'd touched him. Looked at him. Derided him like he was some kind of toy, there to obey her every command. Tied up like a dog on a leash, then forced to kneel at her feet, he'd felt utterly worthless.

He'd done everything he could to defy her, of course. Refused to submit to what she'd wanted him to do, and... oh, God! What if he hadn't? The one time when he'd been powerless to defend himself against her, what if she'd -?

Glancing again at the bed behind him, his mind span back to the moment when he'd known she'd finally break him. He could see her grin of triumph as he fell back onto it, too forcibly intoxicated to stop her from pulling his hands behind him, and tying them under his belt.

'_Oh, God, no... stop, please, don't... please, no_...'

How slowly, how callously slowly, she'd then crawled on top of him, gagging him with her hand while nestling between his uselessly struggling legs. How she'd purred her sickening approval for what she'd found there.

'_Well now, aren't you a deceptively impressive little boy? Now, let's see how impressive you can get_.'

Trapped beneath her, he'd felt his own body start to betray him, his frantic struggles giving her exactly what she'd wanted, and... oh, God, no! Please, God, no.

'_There now_, _this isn't so bad now, is it_? _But you can do so much better_... _you just need to try harder_, _and_... _oh_, _yes_. _Yes_, _my little pet_. _That's more like it_.'

Then he'd screamed. Helpless screams that she'd mocked as savagely as she'd straddled him, forcing him inside her, then slamming herself back on top of him.

'_You can scream all you want, my little pet, but no-one's going to come... except me... and if you're a really good boy, maybe I'll let you too. This is the love boat, after all. And I bet you've heard some yells behind those do not disturb doors_...'

He had, but never from anything like this. What she'd just done to him could never be called love. This was rape. And he'd been powerless to stop it.

The first, she'd taken him in sheer savagery. Punishment, she'd snarled at him, for all the time he'd wasted in defying her. Mercifully quick, but agonizingly hard. Hours of pent up frustration with him, and six months of it from her CO's own retribution - rammed out of him in less than a minute.

The second had been even worse. Slow and sadistic - taking every advantage of the control she'd had over him. Her turn to frustrate him, for what had felt like an eternity.

The only defiance he'd been able to put up against it had been to close his eyes, so he couldn't see the shame of what she was doing to him. Instead he'd just felt it. Heard it. Every shifting push against him. Every sound she squeezed out in response - grunts of satisfaction for her, sobs of devastation for him.

Other than that, she'd taken him in silence, with none of the gloating mockery of before. It had brought no comfort. If anything, it had made this sickening degradation of him even worse.

Then she'd undressed him. Button by button, she'd undone his shirt. Hands that had forced him so roughly inside her had tugged it open, exposing the still untouched part of her prize. The tips of her fingers had stroked, and probed, and explored until he had nothing left to give her. Then, and only then, had she laid down on top of him to claim him completely.

Everywhere her fingers ran, her tongue had leisurely followed. All over his face, his neck, his chest, she'd teased, and nibbled, and nipped, while he'd bucked helplessly against her. Moving just so, prolonging the torment, before sliding up him to do it all over again. And when she'd finally clenched herself around him, forcing out his next release, he'd screamed into the choking well of her mouth - fighting to breathe until he fell back into her arms, too physically and mentally broken to fight any more.

Shaking with pain and effort, he'd just laid there, sobbing useless tears that a far from comforting tongue licked gloatingly away.

'_Mmm, you taste so good. All sweaty, and helpless, and scared, just the way I like it... and I have all night to make you taste even better. All night, my little pet. All night_.'

All night.

She'd raped him_. All night_.

His world imploded. The shock, and horror, and shame of it swept through him with unstoppable force, tearing out of him a single cry of anguish as he sank to his knees.

"Oh, God, no... no, no... _noooo_!"

He didn't feel the arms that wrapped themselves around him, or the stinging pinch in his arm. All he heard was his own, near hysterical screams, before a void of silence and darkness took them mercifully away.

Still huddled around him, Merrill, Doc and Isaac could only stare at each other. In this moment of pure horror, none of them could speak. None of them could believe, even start to accept, what they'd just seen. And as Isaac broke down too, overcome with its implications, Merrill could only whisper out the prayer that, right now, he had no faith would be answered.

"Oh, God... dear God, help us. Help us get through this."


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you, Madi, for your comments for what was a really difficult chapter for me to write. You know me well enough to know why I found it so hard.

So, Gopher has been put through a truly horrendous assault. But as Doc is about to reveal, the horror of what's been done to him may not be quite what it seems.

* * *

Violations

Chapter Five

Gopher lay in the Infirmary - as pale, and still, and silent as the two figures who stood at his bedside. The strongest sedative that Doc had at his disposal now held him in a deep, dreamless sleep, where not even his worst nightmares could reach him.

For those still struggling to take in the nightmare he'd left behind, it brought little, if any, consolation. Their worst fears had been realized. In its shattering aftermath, only 'what ifs' and 'if onlys' remained.

Sitting beside him, Isaac was still asking himself the same question he'd tried to answer for the last hour. Even with the comfort of his Captain's hand on his shoulder, he still couldn't accept it.

"If I'd just checked that bowl sooner, we could have got him out of there before she... oh, God, what she did to him! How could I have missed him? I - I was _so_ close... _so_ _close_ to finding him, he was just inches away from me, and... when he needed me the most to help him, how could I have let him down? How could I have missed him?"

He knew, of course. They all did. Just as they knew what would have happened if he _had_ reached in those extra few inches. The hands that had smashed up that table would have done the same to him. It was still a scenario that none of them wanted to think about.

Instead, their eyes turned back to Gopher. Their little ray of sunshine, whose whole world had just crashed in around him. And while Isaac's conscience was gradually assuring him that he had no cause to feel guilty, Doc's wasn't quite so forgiving.

Damn it, he'd been so sure. So convinced by Gopher's own assurances that she hadn't 'hurt' him. But as his guilt and rage gave way to more clear minded logic, so he kept coming back to the same conclusion.

Professionally, at least, it hadn't changed. A more thorough examination had confirmed what he'd found on the first - or, more crucially, what he hadn't. No cuts, or bruises, or other signs of forceful compliance.

He already had a theory on why Gopher would think otherwise, but - well, now he had to prove it.

"He's going to need help to get through this, Merrill. Specialized help."

The little colour that had been in Merrill's face now drained out of it. He'd had the same thought himself, of course, but - dear God, he couldn't believe he was saying it too.

"You - You mean a psychiatrist?"

"No, I don't think so... at least, I hope to God it won't come to that. I'm thinking more of a way to prove to him that he _wasn't_ raped."

It was the tiniest light at the end of a very long tunnel, but both Merrill and Isaac still seized on the hope it gave them like they'd found the last lifebelts on the Titanic.

"Are you saying he wasn't, Adam? You're saying you can prove it?"

"Yeah, Doc... do you really think she didn't... do that to him?"

"Yes, Merrill, I can. And yes, Isaac, I do. I know Gopher's still convinced that she did, but both times I've examined him, I haven't found any sign of injury to suggest he was forced to have sex with her. He'd have put up one hell of a fight, and if she tried to restrain him, there'd be defensive wounds on his hands or arms, and bruises across his hips and pelvis if she kept him pinned beneath her. If she forced him inside her, there'd be bruises there too... there aren't any. Like I told you last night, Merrill, the threat of rape can be every bit as traumatic as the act itself. I think this is what's happened to Gopher, but he's still in too much shock to believe it. So I need to prove it to him myself."

Seeing the unvoiced 'How?' on their faces, he then smiled, as much as his own emotions for this awful situation would allow. And there was the greatest irony, too, that a claim of rape against one of his closest friends could now provide a lifeline to the one who lay so still and broken beside him.

"Every ship in the fleet now has a rape kit on board. It's as much for our protection as crew as any passenger who, God forbid, suffers a _real_ assault.. not a false one, like that lawsuit chaser tried to pull on Drew Hendry last year."

Glancing at Gopher once more, the regret on his face crashed against his own hope for proving his theory. Never in his worst case scenarios had he ever thought he'd have to carry out such tests on his own best friend. But as he also knew, time was now critical to get the proof he needed, before it became unusable.

"I'll need her clothes. Everything she brought on board, and what she was wearing when we found him. Luckily, none of it's been laundered yet, and I've asked Ellen to bring it all to me as fast as she can. And since he's still convinced they had intercourse, I'll need swabs too. Not from Gopher... he's suffered more than enough already. Just from her. Legally and medically, Merrill, I have more than enough grounds to get them."

Still digesting what they'd just heard, Merrill and Isaac traded glances. Of course, they had every confidence in him to believe what he'd told them, but its horrific alternative still hung over them. Even as they hoped and prayed that Doc was right, they still had to face the possibility that he wasn't.

Luckily, Doc had thought of that too - his next words as realistically serious as they had to be.

"But if she _did_ force him to have sex with her, we'll need evidence to prove that too. Without it, he'd have to testify at her trial, and .."

"...it would destroy him... it would destroy his whole family... and he'd definitely need that psychiatrist."

A thought as impossible for Merrill to accept as it was for him and Isaac. Even with the best therapy they could find for him, the Gopher they all loved so much would be lost to them. He'd never be the same again. So yes, Merrill knew his next words didn't just come from him, but every single member of his crew.

"Whatever you need to do, Adam, you have my full support. One way or another, she's going to pay for this."

Whether she'd raped him or not, Doc's thoughts were following the same path as he stroked Gopher's hair back from his face - bitterly wishing he was awake enough to feel its comfort.

Aside from its paleness, there wasn't a mark on it. No visible signs of the horrific ordeal he'd been through. It was the scars that his captor had inflicted on his mind, though, that swept Doc's professional detachment aside, and turned his own fury towards her.

"Damn it, Merrill, look what she's done to him! She's taken away every shred of his dignity, his humanity... and damn near his sanity. I think it's only fair to give her a taste of her own medicine."

Already guessing where this 'taste' might be heading, Merrill stayed tactfully silent. He knew his CMO would never let his feelings cloud his professional judgement, but - God knew, he wouldn't blame him if they did.

For Isaac, though, the thought of him having to face such a dangerous woman brought out concerns that had nothing to do with medical ethics.

"But Doc... what if she doesn't let you get this... evidence? I mean, you saw what she did to that table when we found him. It took Thad _and_ Frank to pin her down, and they're bigger than the two of us put together!"

To his surprise, Doc just smiled. A wry amusement, that didn't come close to touching his eyes as he nodded towards the medical bag beside him.

"Well, I can't break the oaths I took as a doctor. But if I have to, I'll gladly give them one _hell_ of a bend."


	6. Chapter 6

This chapter focuses on Captain Tobin, including more of my idea that she was sent to the Arctic as punishment for some kind of misconduct. Given what she's does to Gopher, it wasn't hard to think what that misconduct could have been.

* * *

Violations

Chapter Six

She'd set her eyes on new prey. The guard who'd been assigned to keep watch on her.

Yes, he was older than _he'd_ been. Not hard, considering that sweet but ridiculous claim that he was still fourteen. Closer to her own age, in fact, so probably more... experienced. More likely to be able to hold his drink, and not pass out from a few glasses of wine. And she was sure if he'd smiled at her, instead of that glare as he took away her tray, he'd have been reasonably attractive too.

Such a sourpuss, though. Refusing to engage with her, his only response to her questions had been a terse 'yes' or 'no' with no recognition of her rank. She didn't even know his name.

So no, he wasn't him. The boy with the sweet face, and those bright brown eyes, who'd never know how different, how _wonderfully_ different, that night with her could have been.

God knew, she'd tried. Used every trick in the damn book to make him submit. Even straddled him while he lay in that wine-drunk sleep, trying to wriggle him awake - watching him defy and deny her with as much admiration as unsated frustration.

Even when he had stirred beneath her, it had only been to shift frettishly against her weight. He'd given her the briefest surge of pleasure - just not to the heights her body had craved.

And still he'd refused to yield, both when he'd been completely at her mercy, and when he'd slept on afterwards, oblivious to the hand and mouth that had dared to explore him, but achieved nothing else.

All she'd had to enjoy for her efforts - and yes, she _had_ enjoyed it - was the mound of warmth she'd kept pressed against her thigh. The soft beat of his heart as she'd laid her head on his chest and, still aching with need, felt and heard him sleep beneath her.

He'd have been so good. _So good_. Wrapped in her arms, he'd been so warm, and solid, and real. So promisingly near, but unreachably far.

He'd had the willpower of Hercules too, she'd had to give him that. Despite everything she'd done to him, she'd been unable to break it. Somehow - and God knew how - this slip of a boy had defied her for almost thirty hours. His predecessor, the cry baby corporal who'd run screaming to his CO, had barely made it past one.

The injustice of it still raged inside her. If he'd wanted promotion so badly, the least he could have done was earned more of it than such a literal anti-climax. Like that all too eager to please lieutenant, who'd been so desperate to impress his father. The more materialistic sergeant, who'd just wanted the money. Or that warrant officer who hadn't wanted any advance of his career. Just the same "..._good times, doll_..." that he'd given so willingly to her.

But no, that useless weed of a kid hadn't so much submitted to her, more totally capitulated. He'd just laid there, so impressive beneath her, but so unimpressive inside. A few kisses and cuddles, then forty minutes of... nothing. That tiny little rifle had fired nothing but blanks.

Instead of thanking her for the service she'd still provided, he'd ratted on her. Got her sent to the damn Arctic, where her only source of satisfaction had been herself.

He had to hope their paths never crossed again, or she'd do to him what she was doing to the tangled mess of this blanket.

This second guard, though. Yes, _he_ was more promising. Young too, as he'd been. A much easier target than his senior officer, who was clearly following his Captain's orders.

"_You don't engage with her in any way. You keep her fed, and that's it. And no use of her rank, she's an utter disgrace to it. Is that clear_?"

Aah, yes -such a commanding voice. Maybe she should have set her sights on him instead. Bagging a Captain instead of a lowly purser would have been immensely... satisfying. The biggest notch yet on her belt of conquests.

Oh, and he was coming to see her now? No doubt to hear what she'd done to his poor boy? Oh, this was going to be fun!

Remembering Doc's advice, Merrill kept his distance from the woman who leaned so insolently against her cell. If he'd had the chance, he'd have punched that smug grin right down her throat. Instead, with the subtlest of nods to his left, he got straight to the business he wanted to get through, before this urge to throttle her got the better of him.

"Well, you certainly had a... wild night with Purser Smith. And I'm afraid your behaviour when we found him gave me no choice but to have you brought down here. I hope you don't find it too... uncomfortable."

Again as Doc had suggested, he'd appealed to her sense of 'untouchable' arrogance. In relief that he didn't dare show, she fell for it - hook, line, and sinker.

"Well, now that you mention it, Captain, my bed _is_ rather small, compared to the one in my cabin. But with no-one to share it with... yes, it's reasonably adequate. The only complaint I have is with your senior guard here. He's nowhere near as friendly as your _adorable_ purser."

Not trusting himself to speak, Merrill just nodded - drawing on all the willpower he had to keep smiling back at her. How this sick, psychotic woman had managed to get into the Army was beyond him, but... well, that was a matter for her CO to deal with.

First, though, he had to get the evidence that Colonel Hanson would need to press charges against her. Knowing that Gopher was now safely out of her reach offered him at least some comfort for the equally repulsive charade that he had to play out in order to secure it.

"Yes, he's one of the most popular members of my crew, and... yes, I'd have to say too, he never ceases to surprise me. I don't think I've ever seen a cabin left in such an... interesting state."

Every word that he was saying made his skin crawl from its implications. This had to be worth it, it just had to be, and... oh, thank God! She hadn't so much taken the bait, more totally devoured it.

"Oh, yes, Captain, he was _wonderful_! He was a bit shy at first, but once I got that wine into him... oh, yes, Captain... I turned your sweet little purser into a _real _firecracker... not so much a gopher, more the sweetest little bunny... he just kept going, and going, and going... he did _everything_ I wanted... all night... and I'm sure you saw what he did to my phone..."

She was lying through her teeth, of course. Merrill knew it as much as she did - this sickening gloating that made him swallow down a throatful of bile. And how ironic it was that he should now smile too, in his own satisfaction, as he took Vicki's portable recorder out of his pocket.

Checking that it had picked up everything he needed, he then regarded his prisoner with the same contempt that she'd shown to hers. If his eyes and voice had been a shotgun, he'd have laid her straight into her grave.

"Oh yes, I saw it. Just as I know _you_ were the one who destroyed it so he couldn't call for help. Just as I know that at no point did he consent to _any_ kind of intercourse with you. _That_ constitutes rape against one of my officers, giving _me_ all the powers I need to make sure you pay for it. And thank you for admitting your own guilt to it in such... detail. I'm sure this will give your CO all he needs to put you where you belong. For what you did to my purser, soon to be _ex_ _Captain_ _Tobin_, hell's too good for you, let alone Leavenworth. You're a disgrace to your rank, its uniform, and everything it stands for. Now, Dr Bricker, if you'd like to see to our... _physical_ evidence."

If any trace of that arrogance was still on her face, it vanished completely now as Doc stepped forward, flanked by the same two security officers who'd brought her down here. They'd managed to subdue her then, and would have no trouble doing so again - because now they'd have an unbeatable advantage.

With none of his usual compassion, Doc held up a speculum in one hand, and a loaded syringe in the other - his eyes glittering with the same fury as his deadly soft voice.

"With more mercy than you ever showed to him, we can do this the easy way, or with this needle stuck in your arm. Your choice."


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you to Goosefire for your very kind reviews.

With three more chapters to come, this is the longest in the whole story, as Doc faces one of the toughest challenges of his career.

* * *

Violations

Chapter Seven

Again, Gopher woke to the aroma of coffee. Something else this time, too, that wasn't nearly so pleasant. The faint tang of antiseptic, that could only mean... yes, he'd landed himself in the Infirmary. And - yes, Doc was there beside him, checking the IV that led into his arm.

For once, though, that calming smile failed to work its magic. Instead, Gopher turned away from him - too consumed by the shame of what had been done to him to accept any kind of comfort. Not even one of his closest, most trusted friends could do anything to help him now.

Knowing better than to try and touch him, Doc winced through his own personal sympathy, and private dismay. He had all the proof he needed to end this damn thing once and for all. It was all right there, within his reach - but he had to reach Gopher first. Hard enough when he was as distraught as this, but damn impossible when he flinched away from all contact.

Words were pointless too. He'd only be coherent enough to hear them when he stopped crying. And right now, he was crying as if he'd never stop.

He had to eventually, of course. There were only so many tears that could pour out of him. But even when they finally ran dry, the husk they left behind still lay curled on his side, gripping his blankets around him so tightly that his hand shook with its effort.

Still watching him, Doc wished the callouses that doctors were meant to grow over their emotions would start to grow on him too. Wherever his littlest brother was right now, it was his own, personal hell. And there wasn't a damn thing he could do to bring him out of it.

Tears were stinging his own eyes too now, as he tried to decide what to do next. But what _could_ he do? How the hell could he get through to him?

"D - Doc?"

A hand now stretched out towards him, searching for the comfort he'd just tried to offer, and - oh, thank God. For an awful moment, Doc thought he'd gone into full catatonic withdrawal.

But no. Slowly, painfully slowly, Gopher's eyes turned towards him. Forcing himself to ignore their heartbreaking blankness, he knew it was safe now, finally, to run the gentlest hand through his hair.

"Yeah, kiddo, I'm here... I'm right here, and... it's all right, Gopher, she didn't do to you what you think she did... easy now, you're going to be all right."

Intentionally or otherwise, that got Gopher's attention. His full, wide eyed, and vehemently incredulous attention.

"But Doc, she - she _did_! She - She _raped_ me! I - I felt her on top of me!"

From near catatonia to the brink of snowballing panic. A reaction that Doc had known might happen, and now moved quickly to bring under control, before it hit critical mass.

Settling on the side of his bed, he took as firm a grip as he dared on Gopher's shoulders. He wasn't going back into shock - yet - and he was damned if he'd let either of them go through that again.

"Gopher, I need you to focus on me, and take a deep breath... come on, kiddo, just stay with me here, and just breathe... nice deep breaths, that's it... you're all right, kiddo, just breathe... just breathe, and when you're ready, close your eyes, and try and think back to that moment... yes, I know it's hard, Gopher, but you're safe now... she didn't hurt you, and where she's going, she'll never get anywhere near you... now, try to remember... were you awake when this happened? Because if you had been, you'd have fought like hell to get away from her. And when I checked you over, I couldn't find any bruises, or signs of a struggle."

It was a lot to take in, especially for a mind that had been so brutally traumatized. This grip on his shoulders wasn't helping either, and - yes, time for swap that far too physical means to calm him down for a far more comforting hug.

To his relief, Gopher didn't flinch at the arm that now slid around his shoulders. This simple but so precious acceptance of contact was good - the way Gopher relaxed against him even better. Even if it came from sheer exhaustion, Doc would still gladly take it.

Watching him rub his eyes reminded him of another part of his ordeal that, in his own tiredness, he'd completely forgotten. Hunger and thirst were now taking their toll on a body that had been deprived of both for almost twenty hours. An IV was no substitute for proper nourishment, and - yes, thank God. That was something he _could_ fix, right now.

Rising to his feet again, he carried the tray of toast and orange juice he'd been trying to eat himself to the table beside Gopher's bed. Re-taking his seat at his shoulder, he smiled in relief at how quickly he settled back against him. Just minutes after refusing all physical contact, he was now actively seeking it. Another welcome sign that he was trying to fight back.

"Okay, while you're thinking that over, let's get this down you... and maybe some of this toast too... slowly now, kiddo, that's it..."

Taking the glass back, and swapping it for a plateful of toast, he then realized why it had taken Gopher so long to take it from him. Not so much from taking his advice, but an almost child like fascination with his hands. Puzzled confusion at what he was - or wasn't - feeling.

The belt marks around his wrists where she'd restrained him... weren't there. The ache through his body that should surely have been there... wasn't.

His desperation to believe what Doc had told him still crashed against the traumatized mind that held him trapped in its horrors. Yet the confusion on his face gave Doc his best chance so far to break him out of it.

"If you'd been conscious when it happened, Goph, you'd have put up one hell of a fight... and there'd be defensive wounds on your hands or arms... but there, you see? There's not a mark on them. As your doctor and your best friend, Gopher, I promise you... nothing happened."

As he'd hoped, Gopher finally nodded as his eyes shifted onto his body. He couldn't bring himself to look too far down it, but then he didn't need to. Beneath the V of his scrubs, his chest was still smooth and unmarked - the scratches where she'd raked her nails down it now safely back in his imagination where, in time, they'd no longer be able to haunt him.

Doc could see it in the eyes now, that finally turned back towards him. Beyond their confusion, a light of hope had appeared. Even with the uncertainty of it still in his voice, he was starting to believe. The most crucial tide of his life was starting to turn.

"Are - Are you sure, Doc? After I passed out, are you sure she didn't -?"

She hadn't. She'd come damn close, but - no. By the grace of all gods, the swabs he'd eventually managed to take from her had come back clear. With remarkable calm, even for him, Doc didn't just answer his patient's prayers, but those of a whole, still outraged crew.

"Yes, kiddo, I'm sure. I've done all the tests I need to prove it. Yes, she put you through a horrific assault, but there was no penetration. You weren't raped."

In sheer relief, Gopher sagged against him, his eyes closing against the force of its release. Inevitably, tears still found their way out of them - brushed away at first by a comforting hand, then soaked up by an even more comforting shoulder.

Doc, too, needed this moment. He'd taken a massive gamble, trusting his instincts when everything else was going against them. For Gopher's sake as well as his own, for Gopher's sake _more_ than his own, it had paid off.

Yet still, he'd questioned himself. Could he have done more? If he'd told Gopher then what he'd just told him now, could all of this have been avoided?

All too late to change now, of course. And from the way Gopher was clinging so tightly onto him, such thoughts had never entered his mind. Knowing the kid who'd forgiven him for Curacao more quickly than he'd deserved, they never would. So yes, both of them needed this moment, and several more after it, to face and defeat the last of their demons.

For Gopher, the next part of that healing meant asking questions, and listening to their answers. He still had to understand what he'd been through before he could fully accept it. To Doc's relief, his insatiable curiosity had now returned enough to ask the first - and the most crucial.

"But if - if it didn't happen, Doc, why... why would I think it did?"

To his surprise, Doc's immediate answer was a relieved smile. Ah, yes, the million dollar question, that he'd already explained to his Captain, and now explained just as gently to his still vulnerable patient.

"Because you're human, kiddo... facing one of the worst traumas that its victim, whether he's a man or a woman, will ever go through. But the threat of rape, or an assault that's as prolonged and sexually motivated as the one she put you through, can be just as devastating. And you said yourself, Goph, she was making you drink alcohol that you knew would knock you out, and leave you completely defenceless. So I want you to think back again to that moment. Try to remember the last thing you were thinking about, or fearing she'd do to you, before you lost consciousness."

As he'd hoped, Gopher did exactly what he'd asked - frowning as he played that moment back through his mind, and re-lived its terror more calmly and rationally than he had before.

"I - I knew what she was going to do to me... that she'd - she'd do it as soon as I passed out..."

Unlike before, though, he now remembered what had _really_ happened. Yes, that fifth glass of wine had left him in a drunken sprawl, too incapacitated to protect himself. And yes, he'd felt her weight rolling on top of him, felt her trying to force him to respond, but - no. To his dare-to-believe astonishment, there was nothing else.

No frantic struggles to get away from her. No desperate pleas for her to stop, or cries of mind-splitting pain as she tore out his humanity, and revelled in her victory.

'_There now_, _this isn't so bad now, is it_? _But you can do so much better_... _you just need to try harder_, _and_... _oh_, _yes_. _Yes_, _my little pet_. _That's more like it_.'

The voice that had so callously mocked him was silent. The horror of what she'd done to him next, how she'd made him 'try harder' and laughed at his helpless scream of compliance... wasn't there either. If she'd done 'that' to him, that part of his body would still be feeling it.

Instead, there was - nothing. No pain, no agony, no screams, no terror. Just a merciful nothingness that could only mean one thing. Doc was right. He'd been right all along. Yes, he'd been traumatized and terrorized - but he had _not_ been raped.

The relief that flooded through him was even more overwhelming than it had been before. So was the shock that his own mind had come up with such a revolting, unthinkable act against his own body.

Them. All those things she'd done to him. Said to him. Over and over again - all night.

It. The horrific violation that she'd inflicted on him. The shame of those times when his own pleasure had blanked out the horror of what it had cost him.

This. All the worry he'd caused to a friend who, he now realized, looked like hell himself.

Not just Doc, either, but Isaac as well. If they'd been told what had happened to him - and right now, he was praying to God they hadn't - Julie and Vicki too. And last, but never least, the Captain who'd have felt every parent's anguish for what he'd gone through.

Or what he'd _thought_ he'd gone through. The most horrific experience of his life - and it had all been a figment of his own mind. So yes, guilt now joined the glut of emotions that had just run through him. The hell he'd put Doc through, and his Captain, Isaac, and Julie had been all too real, but his own? It had never even happened.

The least he owed them was one hell of an apology. All that came out instead were two quiet, mortified questions.

"So - So you're saying this was all a dream? I've caused you all this worry for _nothing_?"

In contrast to the horror on his face, Doc's held a smile that hid three days worth of relief beneath it. This was the Gopher he knew so well, and loved so much - more worried about them than he was for himself. Even if he needed a few more nudges to get there, his little brother was back.

"No, kiddo, you didn't imagine it. When you said you felt her on top of you, I think that really did happen. You were at your most vulnerable, and this was the only chance she had to get what she wanted. And crazy as it sounds, forcing you to drink that wine did you one hell of a favour. Yes, you'd have felt her on top of you... and if she was touching or kissing you before you lost consciousness, you'd have been aware of that too. But once you passed out, she couldn't make you do anything."

Gladly trading that wine for another glass of orange juice, Gopher nodded. With everything he'd been through, he could have been forgiven for needing something stronger. But as he then wryly reminded them both, that would _not_ be a good idea.

"Doc, you've seen how fast that stuff knocks me out, and... it - it just seemed so _real_, Doc! I could feel her moving on top of me, and - and kissing me, and touching me, and... you're saying all this happened to me, in just a few seconds?"

Ah yes, the quirks of the human psyche - explained with more orange juice, another slice of reviving toast. And, of course, another reassuring hug.

"Yes, kiddo, I am. In times of extreme stress, the mind can play some very strange tricks. Things that happen in just seconds or minutes in real time can feel as if they're going on for hours. And you'd have known what she wanted from you as soon as she locked you in that cabin. The greatest fear you had before you passed out only added to the stress you were already under. And once that fear took over your subconscious... well, there was only one way for it to come out. It convinced you that you'd been raped, when... thank God, she never got that far."

An answer that, Doc hoped, had covered everything that Gopher had felt physically through his ordeal. Yet still he wanted, needed, to know more - even if it made his skin crawl to ask it.

"But... I - I mean, all those... things she said to me... what I was so sure she said to me... was that all in my mind too?"

He knew the answer to that already, but it was still one almighty relief to see Doc smile back at him. Hear his assurances that the works of his own mind hadn't caused him to lose it.

"Yes, Gopher, it was. And that was a perfectly normal reaction too, kiddo, for everything you were going through at the time. Like I said before, you were under an unthinkable degree of stress. You were trapped in that cabin, with no way to call for help, facing a woman who only had one thought in mind. So yes, things she said to you, either on their own or together, all got caught up in your subconscious, and... well, got kinda scrambled. If you can remember what she said to you, what she _really_ said to you, you'll see what I mean."

As he'd hoped, Gopher was already nodding as he remembered that moment when he'd first realized he was trapped. She'd done all the talking, of course. Questions, and observations, and another Captain's orders that had terrified him more than any amount of flattery.

"_All these young lovers and 'Do Not Disturb' signs... yes, I can see how this boat of yours gets its name_..."

"_The first pet I had was a puppy, with eyes just like yours... Scamp, his name was... yes, little Scamp, with his big brown eyes... maybe that's why you remind me so much of him..."_

_"So you're chief purser already? And still so young? How impressive!"_

_"Oh, Gopher, don't look so scared! Come sit down now, I won't bite!"_

_"Mmm, I love this wine... come on now, just a little taste to help you relax... there's a good boy..."_

_"Ooooh, someone's getting tipsy... now, you stay there, while I change into something to keep your... attention..."_

_"We've finished the bottle already? Never mind, there's plenty more where that came from..."_

_"Come on, Gopher, we're just dancing to help you relax... I'll lead, you just follow..."_

_"Oh, you're so nervous, aren't you? Never mind, we have all night __for this... so come on now, try a bit harder..."_

_"There now, that's better... just you, and me, and no-one around to disturb us... this isn't so bad now, is it?"_

Yes, he remembered it all now. They'd sounded innocent enough at first, but then held more and more of a much less innocent motive. An unmistakeable intent, that his own mind had created into an even greater horror.

Shame of a different kind brought a fresh pang of guilt with it too. Another reminder that all of this - all of it - had been nothing more than the works of his own mind. And as his head dipped down, so Doc realized they weren't quite home and dry yet.

They'd come too far to let a needless guilt trip ruin it now. Even if it took a gentle hand to help it along, that bowed head was coming straight back up again.

"And Gopher, this wasn't _nothing_. You _were_ assaulted... and with everything she did to you, it _was_ sexually motivated... just not in the way that a mind that was still severely traumatized imagined. And yes, you've caused us a few sleepless nights. But never think for one second that you're not worth it, because you are. We love you, kiddo. To us, you're worth everything._ Everything_."

He'd meant it too, every word of it - just as he knew from the way Gopher bit his lip that he was remembering a time when he'd convinced himself otherwise.

In both reality and his own imagination, he'd meant nothing to her. But in reality alone, he could see the complete opposite on Doc's face. The love of a friend, his surrogate brother, who'd brought him through his darkest hour, and now guided him towards a much brighter dawn.

"It'll take time, kiddo, but you'll come to terms with what she did to you, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You'll learn how to trust again... and you're going to be okay. You know we'll _all_ see to that."

He'd stressed that word for a reason. _All_ of them. Not just himself, and Merrill, and Isaac, but Julie too - the only one of them who'd not been involved in this awful ordeal. Now she'd play the most crucial role in his recovery. Who better to teach him how to trust women again than the girl he'd always loved?

He had to see her first, of course, for the first time since this ordeal had started, and - yes, that could wait until tomorrow. To a doctor's trained eyes, his patient's need for rest took a far greater priority.

But then, he'd forgotten who that patient was. This was Gopher. The same Gopher who could be flattened by a tree and left in a delirious coma one minute, and making garlands out of palm leaves the next. As Doc wryly reminded himself, his crazy kid brother didn't do 'normal.'

Those eyes too, that must have been the bane of his mother's life during his childhood, and that were just as lethal now. They could melt the sternest glare of his Captain. And, of course, do exactly the same to his doctor as he took out his IV.

"So, do you feel up to some company? Just for a few minutes, before you get some more rest?"

As if he'd had to ask. From the way Gopher's face lit up, that company could have come through that door right now, and stayed with him for the rest of the day, and he'd have loved every minute.

But - no, _not_ to see him like this. He had his pride, after all. After fighting so hard to regain it, he wanted to keep it that way, and - well, yes. After everything he and Doc had just talked about, he _really_ wanted to feel clean again.

Making the most of that 'freshen up' shower gave Doc the time he needed too, for the call to his Captain that he'd waited so long to receive.

"Merrill? If Julie and Isaac are still with you, there's someone here who's missed you as much as you've missed him... we've got him back, Merrill... he's going to be fine."

"_Oh, thank God! We'll be right there_."

As the line went dead, Doc's grin widened as he imagined the scenes of pure joy in Merrill's office. If there was a record for getting from the highest deck of the ship to the lowest, it was about to be broken. He just hoped that three of its senior officers didn't skittle too many of their passengers along the way. His Infirmary wasn't really big enough to hold them all.

Then he heard an even more priceless sound coming from its bathroom, and the smile on his face turned to an all out grin. It would be a while yet, before the strains of Danny Boy broke through it again. For now, though, its more quietly hummed version was still priceless to hear.

The reunion that followed was even more so. A carefully measured succession of hugs, and tears, and more hugs that, just hours ago, had seemed impossible.

The most precious hug of all came from Julie. Yes, he'd tensed for a fraction of a second as she stroked back his hair. But then he relaxed back into her arms and, to no-one's surprise at all, stayed there longer than all of their own hugs put together.

Standing with his Captain, Doc watched it all with the very happiest of grins. After the worst of starts, this was the best outcome he could have hoped for. His patient wrapped in armfuls of hugs, and the promise of a full recovery from the most harrowing experience of his life.

_Definitely_ what this doctor ordered.


	8. Chapter 8

After the longest chapter in this story, here's the shortest. And after all the angst I've put them through, I think our favourite crew need a bit of light relief. Well, Merrill and Doc get to enjoy it, at least. I hope you enjoy it too.

* * *

Violations

Chapter Eight

There was only one member of his crew who'd dare to "_Shhh_!" its Captain. Two, if his purser tried it when he was in an especially indulgent mood. But with Gopher still confined to bed - yes, it had to be Doc who greeted him at the door to the Infirmary with a broad grin, and even more mischievous appeal for quiet.

"Shhh! You're going to want to see this before they wake up."

Following him to Gopher's bed, Merrill's face broke into the biggest smile he'd managed in days. Yes, they were both still there - Isaac and Julie. Where else would they be, except at his side?

No, he wryly corrected himself - in the same _places_ they'd been in the previous night. Isaac was still on big brother point at his shoulder, with Julie using his in turn for a pillow, while Gopher's head rested against the other.

Needing this healing contact too, Julie's grip on his hand was still protectively tight, and - ah. Yes, that explained the grin that now lit up Doc's face. Forget all the IVs and meds he'd been on for the past two days. The comfort of such loved and trusted friends was the best medicine he could ask for.

Best of all, they'd _all_ had a peaceful night - a real blessing for the doctor who'd still kept a biggest big brotherly eye on them.

"They crashed out just after you left. Not had a peep out of them since."

Just what their equally exhausted Captain wanted to hear. The ordeal that had almost cost Gopher his sanity was finally over. And for the doctor who'd stayed at his side throughout its aftermath, there was even more good news.

"I know sleep is the best thing for him, Merrill, but fifteen hours... _fifteen_ hours, and he's still out for the count. But I'd have to say too, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet... while it lasts."

Grinning too, Merrill nodded in the same wry agreement as he straightened Gopher's hair, and watched him smile at its comfort.

"Me too, Adam, and... yes, this is the moment you cherish when you come down to breakfast, and the kids are still tucked up in bed... even if it _is_ ten in the morning."

No stranger himself to the chaos at least one of those kids could cause, Doc had to agree with him as he passed him a fresh mug of coffee.

"I think just this once we'll let them lie in. Best for us both to make the most of it."

Wise words, of course, from the friend whose brilliance as a doctor now earned him a hearty pat on the back. All joking aside, this was a sight they'd once feared they'd never see. So when Merrill spoke again, his voice held every bit of his pride, and even more of his gratitude.

"Thank you, Adam. Thank you for bringing him back to us."

Still watching his patient sleep, Doc nodded, with more seriousness on his face than his Captain had expected. The closer Merrill looked, the more exhaustion he saw. With just a few hours rest himself, he'd been at Gopher's side since they'd carried him out of that cabin. The family counselor, it seemed, now needed a little counselling himself.

Steering him into the adjoining waiting room, Merrill closed its connecting door, then followed him to the couch beside it. For an awful moment, he thought Gopher had suffered some kind of relapse - a fear thankfully taken away by Doc's more familiar smile of reassurance.

"He'll be fine, Merrill. I'll be releasing him in the morning, and with our weekend off, he can continue his recovery at home. And I know everyone will love to have him back too, but... well, they'll have to go easy. While he wasn't raped, he was still assaulted with a prolonged sexual intent, and that's something we'll all need to come to terms with. Physical contact with us will be fine... we're the ones he trusts the most, and you saw how happy he was to see Julie. It's his reaction to other women that I'm more concerned about. We'll need to strike a very fine balance between getting him back into a normal routine, and unsettling him with too much attention."

That was a given, of course. A plan for that was already in place. But the vehemence in Doc's next words was still deep enough, furious enough, to catch his closest friend by surprise.

"And when we get to San Diego, I don't want him _anywhere_ near her. Unless he asks us himself, we don't even tell him she's gone. Merrill, I had to fight like hell to get him through this. I doubt if either of us could go through it again."

Nodding his agreement to that point too, Merrill knew there was only one way, or more specifically one person, who could raise their spirits. All they had to do was return to Gopher's bedside.

Even if he didn't know it, Isaac managed it too - his proudly mischievous Captain adding two more titles to the one he already held as he nodded to where Julie and Gopher still slept peacefully against him.

"I think I may need to tweak my chief bartender's resume... professional big brother... _and_ professional pillow..."

From his own experience in both of those roles, Doc's equally light hearted thoughts were more concerned with another.

"Yeah, with all these hugs to fit in, you'd better draw up a roster. And sorry, Merrill, but I've got dibs on the next."

Another fair point, that Merrill was laughing at too much to answer. Yes, there'd be hugs from them all, every time that Gopher needed them. But for now, a brotherly hand settled on his shoulder. His Captain's brushed back his hair with every part of a father's love.

His boy wasn't just safe now, he was finally sound. His nightmare was almost over. By this time tomorrow, their stop in San Diego would end it completely, and life on board his ship could get back to normal. Or as normal as his irrepressible purser would ever get.


	9. Chapter 9

Well, here we are, at the end of this story. Thank you to Goosefire and Madi for sharing its journey with me.

Gopher's journey comes full circle too, as he comes to terms with what's happened to him. Before that, though, our favourite purser is back to what he does best. Throwing his long suffering Captain (and Doc too) for a total loop.

With thanks again, I hope you enjoy this story's conclusion, and hope to see you back on board the Princess soon.

* * *

Violations

Chapter Nine

Best laid plans had a reputation for going astray. For Merrill Stubing, such disruption usually came from his purser. This time, though - well, yes, he had to admit, his boy had really outdone himself. Gopher hadn't so much blown his latest proposal out of the water, he'd sent most of the Pacific with it.

"With all due respect sir... no. I want to be there. I want to see them take her away. And I want _her_ to see _me_."

At any other time, his Captain might have smiled. Under that sweet natured exterior, Gopher had a stubborn streak that could put a pack of mules to shame. But then, more seriously, he had to remember this wasn't the same sweet natured purser who'd started this cruise.

After what he'd been through - yes, inevitably, he'd changed. Aside from his understandable quietness, it was too soon to see how far those changes ran, or how long they'd last.

He'd spoken calmly, though, which was a promising sign. But the face that was always so ready to smile was completely serious. Eyes that loved to glint with mischief were set with a determination that not even his closest friends had seen before.

Friends who now traded uneasy glances. With the decision of what he'd just asked them resting in their hands, Gopher's next appeal for them to agree to it was made to them both.

"Please, sir... Doc... I - I want to do this. I _need_ to do this, it's... I - I just need to do this. You told me yourself, Doc, I've got nothing to be ashamed of, and... look, I - I know you're both trying to protect me. I appreciate that, I really do. But if you hide me away in here... if she leaves here thinking of me as a coward who can't even face her, doesn't that suggest that I do? Doesn't that mean she's won?"

More of a tongue-tied mess of words than he'd played through his head. And that childhood stammer had chosen the worst time to return. But with or without the full plea of his eyes, the point within them was crystal clear. One way or another, he _was_ going to do this. From the smile that gradually appeared on his Captain's face, and Doc's too, that way would be just the one he'd hoped for.

"If you're sure, Gopher, then all right. But on one condition. Every one of us will be there beside you. She'll see how you've come through what she did to you. She'll see how much you mean to us. She'll see how much you're loved."

_Now_ he smiled too. That more rarely seen, little boy grin, that always appeared when he realized how lucky he was, to have this family of such special friends. It brought more of his old self back to them, as two proud arms slid over his shoulders.

"Thank you, sir. I was, uh... kinda hoping you would."

They would. They did. In a huddle of arms and a tightly held hand, they formed an impenetrable wall around him - Isaac and Julie on one side, Doc on the other. And where an arm couldn't find a free space around him, a hand to give him the same encouragement rested instead.

Standing in protective command behind them, both of Merrill's hands lay on his shoulders. Glancing at Doc, he returned his 'go ahead' nod with one of his own, before giving a tactfully quiet order into his RT.

"If you're ready, Colonel... we're bringing her out now..."

Internally, his unvoiced thoughts weren't nearly so polite - or professional. But then, they were his own, and he felt fully justified in having them. And, just like Gopher, he needed this moment of closure too.

'_Get this psychopath off my ship_!'

If he'd had the choice, he'd have thrown her overboard as soon as he'd found his traumatized purser trapped in her cabin, and heard what she'd done to him. Instead he watched as the gangway lowered onto the quayside, allowing another huddle of bodies to make their way across it.

Not just his own security teams either, but Colonel Hanson's too - the Colonel himself leading the way to take his disgraced officer into custody.

Even with the distance between them, Merrill could still see the disgust on his face. It brought a satisfied smile to his own. For soon to be ex Captain Tobin, that flight from Miramar to Kansas would pass a lot less comfortably than the comparative luxury of his brig. Cuffed and flanked by her new escorts, she didn't stand a hope in hell's chance of getting away.

All she could do in her last moments of freedom was twist herself around to look behind her. Through a cluster of shoulders, she caught a glimpse of him. Half hidden himself by his own protectors - there he was, standing on the deck above the gangway. The boy with those unforgettable eyes - back in the uniform that suited him so very, _very_, well.

Yet she couldn't smile, or enjoy the thought of what she'd have done to him if she'd had the chance. Instead, she had to accept another failure, that had ended her career, and led to her own imprisonment.

While she served her sentence, he'd go on to enjoy all the things she'd lost. Just as he stood now, flanked by those who'd fought so hard to protect him, he'd be loved, with no conditions attached.

Valued, with no price against him.

Free.

One last glance, then. One last chance to see his face again - so hard and cold without its adorable smile - before she was hustled onto the quayside. Out of his sight, and out of his life.

Only then did the courage it had taken him to face her slip out of him in a long, shaking breath. Through a blur of relief, and satisfaction, and more emotions than he could count, he felt a cluster of arms tighten around him.

Anxious faces also shone with pride for what he'd just done. And there was no argument this time, against the gentlest of orders in Doc's voice.

"Come on, kiddo. Let's get you inside."

Things didn't go to plan there either. Just as they reached Merrill's cabin, another of the passengers that Gopher had checked in rushed excitedly towards them, almost dragging her companion behind her.

Luckily, they were both old enough to be his mother, so the only threat they posed to him were those he was already familiar with. But as he then found, the honour of being universally adoptable had its downsides too.

"Oh, _there_ he is! That sweet boy who helped me with my bags, and... yes, you see what I mean, Agatha? His eyes are _just_ like my Arthur's!"

Hurrying past them for their bridge class, they didn't see the reactions they'd left behind. Amusement, but also concern for the 'sweet boy' who now stood with his head bowed, his hand to his eyes, and his shoulders shaking. But then, they heard a priceless sound, that they hadn't heard for far too long. Fits of laughter, as he explained its cause through still helpless giggles.

"Before you ask, Arthur's her _dog_, okay? Her little spaniel back home, and... y'know, I think I named myself after the wrong animal."

A fair point, of course. But one that his two big brothers didn't seem keen to agree with.

"Hmm, Burl 'Spaniel' Smith... nah, you're far better as our favourite crazy rodent..."

"You can say that again. It's taken us this long to get used to calling you Gopher!"

There was a compliment in there somewhere, but they were all laughing too much to find it. With hugs and hair ruffles, his fate was sealed. He was their favourite crazy rodent, and it didn't matter how many faces he pulled back at them. That was never going to change.

That laughter, too. It was such a relief to hear it again. To see how it brightened his eyes. Slowly but surely, their Gopher was coming back to them.

A far more serious test of his recovery came later that evening. The quiet return to normality they'd arranged for him ended as soon as he appeared in the lounge. From just the crew at first, then from every passenger who'd missed him too, a chorus of cheers and applause were met with a shyly grateful smile.

Even as he insisted on staying, it was a bit too much, too soon. The sight of everyone dancing in front of him was too much of a painful memory for him to join them. But then the orchestra started to play a carefully orchestrated piece of music, that brought a wistful smile back to his face.

Aah yes, such a special song, that he'd always shared with an equally special lady. The same lady who now took his hand, and invited him to share it with her again.

"You hear that, Gopher? They're playing the first song we danced to."

Smiling back at her, he needed no more coaxing as Julie led him onto the floor. There was no wine, or intimately wandering hands, or the terror of what he'd feared would follow. Just a gentle waltz, in even gentler arms - and the joy on Julie's face as she stroked back his hair.

He hadn't flinched this time. There was no reason to. As lost in her eyes as she was in his, he'd never felt safer. More aware of the special bond that had always existed between them, as their foreheads touched together.

Later that night, Merrill could have been forgiven for thinking he'd stumbled on his own case of déjà vu. Again, he was making his final tour around his ship. And just as he'd done before, he found Gopher leaning against the same davit, staring in turn at the water below him, and the sky above.

Lost in thought, he seemed oblivious to his suddenly anxious Captain's presence. But then he turned to face him, greeting him with bright, clear eyes. _Naturally_ bright, clear eyes - and Merrill grinned too as he came to stand beside him. There'd be no disturbed sleep for either of them tonight - or any night.

And what a night. Crystal clear, its constellations glowing in all their glory above them. No wonder he was so entranced by them. His child of the sea, it seemed, was also a child of the stars. A child, he thought dryly, who was up way past his bed-time.

Yes, he'd had one hell of a day, but didn't seem to be in any hurry to see it end. Under this quite glorious sky, Merrill couldn't blame him. Nor could he stop himself from laughing at the compliment that both of them could now enjoy.

"I'd call you Dad again, sir, but... well, then you'd ground me 'til I'm old enough to retire."

"Very wise, Mr Smith. And _very_ true."

Yeah, right. He didn't believe that any more than Gopher did. Still, that didn't stop him from sliding a fatherly arm around his shoulders. Even now, he didn't want to let his boy out of his sight. After such a harrowing experience for all of them, Doc, Isaac and Julie didn't want to either.

From the smile that grew back over Gopher's face, he knew it too. And while it really wasn't cold enough for his 'Purser Protectors' to huddle around him like this, he was enjoying their company too much to say so.

Besides, he _did_ need them now. Not for physical warmth, but emotional comfort. Above him, the sky was still breathtakingly clear - enough for him to spend all night counting its stars. But only one of them now held such a poignant place in his heart.

Sirius. The brightest light that his mother had found for him after their saddest, darkest day. The only way she could think of to bond him back with the father he'd just started to love again, before the cruellest of fates took him away.

He'd cried for hours that night, the grief of his death too raw for him to appreciate it. Now, though, his eyes were full of pride, as he revealed how a much happier time from his childhood brought him the same, precious comfort on this night too.

"When I was little, Dad bought me this telescope, so we could watch the stars together. He taught me all the constellations that everyone knows... The Big Dipper, Orion... my birth sign, Gemini... Mom's sign, Aries, and Virgo for his. Then he was sent off on assignment, spending longer and longer away from home, and... well, I just, y'know, grew out of it. But on a night like this - wow, just - just look at them! They've been up there for millions of years, you can look up at them your whole life, and they'll never change... they'll still be here when you're... you know... not..."

Beside him, two puzzled glances were met with two older, wiser nods. Doc had his own star too, for the mother he'd been so close to. As he smiled wistfully up at Vega's brilliance, it was left to their Captain to explain the healing powers of a starlit sky.

"Well, as you know, Gopher, the stars have guided mankind for thousands of years. I'm sure your father would have told you that too... how sailors of ancient times didn't just use them for navigation, but to remind them of home too... how their familiar names and formations connected them to the loved ones they'd left behind."

"Yeah, that's what Mom told me the night he died. The brightest star we saw that night was that one, right there... Sirius... for every time I've seen it since, it's been his star..."

Staring up at it, they all offered him comfort now. Hugs around his shoulders, proud pats on his back, while their Captain spoke for them all.

"On a night like this, Gopher, you'll know he's still with you... and for any time when you can't, you know I'm here instead..."

"And me."

"Me too, brother."

"All of us, kiddo. We're all here, whenever you need us."

The eyes that shone back at them held a fresh sheen of tears, but none of them minded. They weren't tears of pain or grief any more, or shame of what had been done to him. Instead they were tears of gratitude, on a face that finally held its full and free smile. And even if his voice choked through his reply - no, as their arms tightened around him, they didn't mind that either.

"Yeah, I - I know. I'm going to be okay now... I'm going to be fine, and... thank you, sir... thanks to all of you, for bringing me through this."

Glancing back at his father's star, the smile grew wider, while a new kind of calmness settled into his eyes. He'd never felt more valued, or more glad to be alive. He'd never felt more loved.

Tired, though. Suddenly and crushingly tired, that had all three of his Purser Protectors back on full alert. With no argument this time, they steered him back inside, to the much warmer comforts of his cabin.

Only there did he put an end to the day's fussing over him, with too much gratitude on his face to cause them any offence.

"We've got a shipload of passengers to disembark tomorrow, and we all need a good night's sleep. Really, I'll be fine now. I'm okay."

Backed up by Doc's approving nod, Isaac and Julie took their turns for one last hug, before they headed for their own cabins. And just as his nightmare had started, so it now ended, as Gopher turned back to the other two friends who'd brought him through the most harrowing week of his life.

For Doc, there was an extra long, and even tighter hug of thanks. From brother to brother, it spoke more for the bond between them than anything they could have said aloud.

And for his Captain? The surrogate father, who'd filled such a massive gap in his life? What else but two bright eyed, shyly grinned words, that barely touched the depth of love and respect behind them.

"Thanks, Dad."


End file.
